So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
