i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
