She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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