Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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