Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
