i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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