You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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