So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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