party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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