i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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