Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
