Where is the hickey?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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