I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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