So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
