Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
