Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
