I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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