my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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