Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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