Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
