dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
