My sheets look like a crime scene.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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