i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
