I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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