You made me cry and you don't even care
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
