We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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