you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
