I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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