can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You pole danced in your parka.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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