He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
