You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
