I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
