I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
