You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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