I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
