today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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