You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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