How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
