I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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