apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
