He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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