It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
