i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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