when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
50% drunk capacity currently
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
