The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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