In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
