I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
