just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
