Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
