I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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