Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
