guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
