why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I smell stomach acid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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