He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
