Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He? As in you personified your dick?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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