he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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