this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pants are for mortals
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
