Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
