I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize