I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
