just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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