he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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