Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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