Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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