we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
