I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
