so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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