i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
