Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
