Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
