her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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