he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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