we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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