Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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