Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
