covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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